Category Archives: Friends
Shattering Fears with Karaoke
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, approximately 7% of Americans suffer some degree of social anxiety. This reflects only the professionally diagnosed case and encompasses all age groups, generally taking hold during the teen years. It is important to note social anxiety is not simply shyness. It is a psychological disorder that affects the functions of daily life.
My own onset came at some point after college. During my elementary years I was an oddball but then I had an odd upbringing. I still cringe remembering some of my antics and how little I cared about them. High school, the same. I was fearless, had a large group of friends in several different circles, and was open to anything. College came and I calmed down a bit, eventually becoming quite socially isolated once I got established in my own place. I had gotten tossed out of my home at 17 and basically couch surfed and lived in a youth shelter until my first real apartment at 21.
I was ill-prepared for the world. I was terrified and beginning to realize that a single young female was vulnerable. During my transition from a sheltered life to forced independence, I was raped, I was mugged, I was in a physically abusive relationship with the guy I had my first apartment with. He quickly abandoned me (thank God). I was learning not to trust people. I began to leave my apartment less and less, at one point going three months without leaving my room except to retrieve mail and delivered groceries. I existed only online (dial-up, if you can fathom that). Loneliness took over and I tried going on a few blind dates, all of which were disasters. Nope. I was done with people.
After so much avoidance, I could no longer function around people. Even job interviews triggered panic attacks where I would sweat and stammer and make a fool of myself. I remember an incident at a job where I was tasked with giving a PowerPoint presentation on skip tracing and private investigation (I’ve had some interesting jobs). I’d compiled the presentation perfectly however when it came time to present it, I froze. Physically froze. I couldn’t move a muscle. My boss was telling me to start, to speak. My mouth opened and nothing came out. I hid my face. I looked up and the whole office was starting at me. The tears started to come and I ran into the bathroom to cry.
Fast forward to recent years and two of the closest people to me, one being my daughter, also suffer from this level of social anxiety. Whenever I am with them, I have to be the strong one. I have to do the talking. I have to make the moves they can’t, whether it’s asking for help or initiating a phone call. I’ve had to put my own issues aside to help them function with theirs. Someone forcing me to speak couldn’t break the fear but having to be the voice for someone I love certainly helped put a crack in it.
This brings me to this past weekend.
Yep, that’s my weird self. Microphone in hand, I sang my heart out at a small Karaoke party Saturday night. I never thought I’d see the day. The support I had is what made all the difference. It was a small group of very friendly people – perfect strangers and casual friends – and my daughter. She promised if I sang, she would sing with me. She put her own fears aside to coax me through mine, something I’ve been doing for her most of her life. It felt like my parenting had come full circle and I was too proud of her to let her down.
In front of a full bar, there’s no way I could have done it. But in this intimate setting, a tiny lounge in the back of a proper arcade where I know all the regulars, it was scary but not impossible. If I start small, maybe I can use this as therapy and really start to come through the anxiety that has crippled me half my life.
If you’d like to learn more about social anxiety, the following site has a wealth of information on the topic:
ADAA https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder
Daily Prompt – Don’t You Forget About Me
As you walk on by…. (Sing it with me now!)
Will you call my name? Will you remember me at all? Will I have done anything in my life that will have had an impact on anyone near to me (or far)? What will I be remembered for?
I never imagined there would be very many people at my funeral, if there was one. I’d always just hoped someone would be in my life who would be willing to dump my ashes off the side of a plane over the Everglades. On the other hand, of course it would be nice to have a finely inscribed headstone commemorating some important aspect of my life. If anything, I’d want to be remembered for the sacrifices I have made in my life to ensure that my child has more opportunities than I did (and they have been incredibly painful sacrifices). I want to go down as a Saint for work with the less fortunate – even while the majority of my life has seen me as one of those less fortunate. I want to be remembered as humble, generous, hard working, intelligent and wise, as a mother, a Christian, and hopefully one day as a beloved wife. I want my writings – poetry, lyrics, fiction and non – to be read by my family and descendants so that they may have a deeper understanding of the person I was. I’m quite forgettable in reality, but I guess in the end, I just want to be remembered with love.
Solitary Solidarity (Coping with Covid-19 Lockdown)
We Are Okay! That is first and foremost the most important thing going through my mind each day. Despite not being able to go out much, despite having to get creative for some meals at home, and despite being cooped up in a house with three other people, things are actually okay. The not going out part, heck I was made for this. I’m a painfully un-social introvert and having been raised an only child, it’s easy to entertain myself. I’m rarely bored. If I am, it’s usually only because I’m too hot and antsy (we have no AC).
I read a lot of blogs and other social media posts where people battling cabin fever try to find ways, some of them pretty outlandish, to stay sane during our nationwide lockdown. I wonder if I’m the odd one out for actually enjoying this quiet time, this alone time. It’s as if I’m sitting back watching the world burn and I will emerge from my mental cave when it all blows over. Certainly there are some things I miss. Kava Kat, a tea bar I started to enjoy going to with friends, of course had to shutter its doors during the crisis. Being a relatively new business to the area, I’m happy they survived the worst of it (so far) and were able to reopen. Some places I loved, like Uncle Carlo’s, sadly have not reopened. This city is a new landscape, sort of a bare bones one, but it will survive as a community. It’s beautiful how people have pulled together to support each other in every way possible.
Daily Prompt Writing: The Nomadic Life
From the Daily Prompt: Rolling Stone
“If you could live a nomadic life, would you? Where would you go? How would you decide? What would life be like without a “home base”?”
This has always been a bit of a dream of mine, to live just to live, to enjoy experiences in life that aren’t possible within the constraints of a lease, a day job, shared custody and other limiting factors. For a 40 year old who treasures new sights and experiences, meeting different people, photographing different areas and being immersed in different cultures, it must be said that I have gotten very few opportunities in life to do any of this. The extent of my travels has been through the Carolinas, The Bahamas and Mexico. All instances were limited by time and money and only left me wanting more. To live as a nomad would still require some sort of stability – ironic, I know. This means I would not want to live as a beggar but rather be able to earn a little money no matter where I went in order to remain self-sufficient (and fed!). More than likely, I would take on some kind of art or craft and sell my talents at various events and festivals across the country, throughout the year. Part of those crafts could be hand-penned original inspirational poetry on parchment, ready to frame in someone’s study or bedroom. Ideally, I would have a small RV in which I could keep my scant belongings and a bicycle to use for travel throughout the area of the moment. I would of course need to remain tech savvy – Internet access would be vital as it is to nearly everyone today. I would likely gather information on upcoming events and places to go from the web in order to keep short-term plans in order. This would allow me to remain a wanderlust but one who would not be caught off guard by not having a place to park, sleep or sell crafts. I wouldn’t say that there would be no “home base.” I would have my RV – wherever it took me would be home. The whole of the continental USA would be my home! The beautiful thing about the Internet is that it brings people together no matter where they are, so losing touch with family and friends would not be an issue. It would be a simple life, free of undue clutter, free of the feeling of being cooped up and held captive by societal constraints. As a Sagittarius, this sort of nomadic life would be what my soul has always craved. I am determined to one day see this to fruition.
Scenes from Saturday Morning
Some camera-phone video taken at the Saturday morning market, downtown Fort Pierce, FL.
That Kitten Sprawl (Perblog 5-27-13)
Four gruesome months of unemployment finally came to a close in May when I started a job as a Paralegal. It pays very little (net has been about half what I need to meet my bills, which have already been trimmed down to the bare minimum) and it’s practically out of town for me, but it’s work. I’m only hoping that I do well enough for the promised raises to come through as indicated when I started otherwise I don’t know how I’m going to make it. Well, the truth is, I’m not. So hopefully those raises come through!
I’ve started a 9-part pre-RCIA line of coursework with the Catholic Home Study Service in preparation for my RCIA classes starting in October. William has been a wonderful guide to me in my studies though I quietly wish he’d give me a little more crap when I don’t go to mass. No nun-pun intended, but I’ve got to work harder on getting into the habit. It would be easier if my church had services on Sunday nights, but there’s really no excuse for me to miss the 10AM mass. I’ve slept in the past two Sundays though. Shame on me.
A couple weeks ago, a new kitten came into my life, a very friendly little long-haired silver kitty. We named her Bellamina – the name is bigger than she is, but not bigger than the ball of energy that she brings into the house. She’s a bit codependent which is fine by me as she lays sprawled across my lap as I type, hugging my leg and just purring away. The big silver and white pouf of a tail reminds me of a squirrel, all fluff that constantly looks as if it’d been rubbed by a balloon and static took over. The cutest thing about her is when she’s being petted, she blows kisses. It’s not a post-weaning suckling kind of thing, she literally just smacks her lips and blows kisses as a person does when calling a cat. It’s more of a mimicry, and I’ve never seen another cat to do that. She’s also got enormous paws which give her a comical lope during play, like a puppy who hasn’t grown into his feet yet. She truly is a treasure.
This Memorial Day, I’m not sure I’m doing anything. It would be nice to have a cookout or something but I don’t have anyone to invite or join at one. Going to the beach would be a full on nightmare with the traffic. I tried in vain yesterday, couldn’t even get close. Actually had to back my car out of a parking lot because there wasn’t even enough room to turn around where all the spots were full and people had parked in non-spots essentially gridlocking the entire lot so that no one could pass through or out.
We’ll see how this day pans out. I’d hate to spend it just doing housework!
Evo-Creationism (Or “When Good Threads Go Bad”)
So I’m just going to drop this thread straight into this blog post – it’s too entertaining to edit (save for removing some names to protect privacy). In a nutshell, I watched the videos of the meteorite exploding over Russia this morning and immediately thought of North Korea’s nuclear threats because it literally looked – and sounded – like a bomb going off when the meteor broke up upon atmospheric entry. So I made a quick quip onto my Facebook wall. Then a friend of mine – well, an ex-friend now apparently – decided to add his own twist to my words a few responses in and that sparked a huge debate over God vs Science. Actually, it wasn’t much of a debate. Once I dug my heels in, he went and un-friended me. That’s fine. It was like trying to explain to Schrödinger’s cat directly why it was dead.
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GRB Imagine if it landed in YOUR city.
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Heather Noel It would be a welcome wipe-out. -
Heather Noel I think God just needs to get rid of this world and start over. Again.
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GRB It’s easier to blame a higher being instead of doing ones best to be better people.
Also, I’m not sure what this discussion is involving into. -
Heather Noel Well, no blame was mentioned by me so I’m not sure you’re following the discussion.
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GRB Hey, you’re the one who started to get all apocalyptic here.
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Heather Noel Wasn’t anything remotely about “blaming a higher power” though.
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GRB “I think God just needs to get rid of this world and start over. Again.” ?
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Heather Noel What about it?
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Heather Noel Do I need to post the story of Noah and the great flood?
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Heather Noel God got tired of the world, wiped it out and started over. That isn’t “blame,” that’s Bible.
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Heather Noel Just saying, we could use another clean slate.
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GRB Yeah, cause, y’know, that happened.
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Heather Noel Yeah, cause, y’know, there is hard geological evidence that it did.
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GRB And a man built a giant boat with hundreds of animals inside of it.
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Heather Noel There are at least 18 occurrences of evidence of either massive flooding and erosion, extremely rapid layering of strata, or direct evidence of a Worldwide Flood. Such evidences are found in numerous places on virtually every Continent. Reference: http://www.earthage.org/EarthOldorYoung/scientific_evidence_for_a_worldwide_flood.htm And if you want to get into a “discussion” about the translation of time as pertains to Creation vs Science as it pertains here, I offer 2 Peter 3:8 “But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” and Psalm 90:4 “For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night.”
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Heather Noel God and Science DO coincide. It’s just that most of us little glorified apes lack the mental capacity to make the comparisons in conjunction with thousands of retranslations of the original works put to scroll in an attempt to try to correlate something we then had no way of understanding to the research that we do have the ability to do now to get a real, scientific understanding of what was written so long ago.
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Heather Noel So let’s do the math, we have Creationist theory that man (as we know him) was created only 6,000 years ago, yet the Bible gives us a ratio of 1000:1, so if we take that 6000 Creational years time the 1000 represented years there’s 6,000,000 years and what? First human ancestor walks upright: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080320183657.htm Now let’s take that biblical day:year ratio of 1:1000. Using God’s logic…1=1000. Let’s go out on a limb and say the earth is biblically 10,000 yrs old. That would be 3,650,000 days. 3,650,000 X 1000=3.65 billion years. Pretty darned close to that of which science is presently aware and can measure.
A shape comparison of the most complete fossil femur (thigh bone) of one of the …See More -
Heather Noel LOL He actually un-friended me for standing my ground. Weak.
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Heather Noel Sad part is I was defending his scientific viewpoint as well as my own religious viewpoint… oh well. Small minds.
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BB what a jerk, they expect you to understand their atheistic and scientific beliefs but whoa nelly if you pull the God card lol. i agree hun. i’m a Christian-esque person myself and believe god should start over. if you’re another religion, your god should start over and if you atheist, then the earth needs to start over just wish we didn’t have to worry about your little girl and my niece. -
Heather Noel Thing with me is, I pull the God card and the Science card in the same debate and show how they work together and then people REALLY go “whoa!” …Annnnnnnd usually just run away like that. Why are we so afraid of different theories?
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Heather Noel Oh wait – I remember now: The quest for knowledge is what got Eve in trouble and cursed all of humankind forever.Fun Stuff.
Working For Free – Oyster Reef Volunteer
Having been out of work for some time now, the cabin fever was setting in pretty hard. Between having no income yet still spending gas to get to job interviews, there was no gas to just get away for pleasure, a break from the monotony and certainly no funds for entertainment. I needed to feel useful again, productive. That is when I came across a request in the local paper for volunteers to help that coming weekend on a project to build an artificial reef in the area. I’m a nature lover and have always been interested in (and often active in) conservation efforts – how cool was that?
After e-mailing the listed contact for details, I was excited to get to work – even if it was for free. I let a friend of mine know about the project and he was on board as well. That Saturday, he picked me up early and we went out to Harbour Pointe on the inlet where several tons of oyster shells were ready in large barrels and on sheets of plywood in huge piles.
About 20 other volunteers showed up and we were given a brief primer on the task at hand. We organized ourselves into each area – shoveling, bagging and tying off. I shoveled shells into smaller buckets while my friend bagged and tied them. They were then loaded onto a truck to be moved to their final resting place in Wildcat Cove.
During a break in which bottled water and other drinks were provided, the leader of the operation and a colleague commended us all on our efforts which far exceeded their expectations. In just about 2 hours, we’d already assembled about 400 20-pound oyster bags for deployment. My friend and I stayed for a 20-minute informational lecture about oyster reefs, their local benefits, lots of statistics and zoological info as well. We broke for lunch then and would meet up at low tide a few miles up the coast at Wildcat Cove.
Upon arrival at Wildcat Cove, we found the oyster bags in a neat pile in front of the canoe launch. Another 100 bags had been assembled and brought up in two deliveries. It took a little brainstorming as to how we were going to get the bags to the reef area, but one adventurous girl with her own kayak said she could pull floating tubs of about 30 bags per load out to the location. There was some interesting trial-and-error in getting the system going, including one thankfully good-humored man getting impossibly stuck in the thick muck at the bottom of the river. It took more than ten minutes to get the river to release his legs and he lost a shoe, but we got him back safely! Note to self: Don’t go into the water without a boat here!
Once we got the production line going, the rest was – pardon the pun – smooth sailing. Bags were floated out to a mangrove area where a 4-foot high oyster “wall” was built staggered around the mangroves. Once settled and cemented, these artificial reefs will provide settling places for new oyster spawns, as well as providing habitat for young fish and feeding grounds for birds such as herons, ibis, loons, cormorants, anhingas and more.
I remain in contact with the organizer of this effort who works for the county in coastal restoration and he is helping me network with other people in the field so that I may actually find work in conservation or a related field. Even if it is a desk job, it would be a great opportunity (and has been) to do something productive in a field I really enjoy. Another reef build is coming up in two days. This time my daughter will also be involved, getting her hands dirty and having a positive impact on our local, unique and delicate ecosystem.
A Little Appreciation
How many times have you found yourself saying, “I tried to help them…” in instances where someone you were trying to assist put forth no effort to help themselves?
“SK” seemed like a nice enough man. Upper 40’s, divorced, and on disability after a nearly fatal motorcycle crash. He’d moved to the area in an attempt to start his life over, get a change of scenery and get back on his feet. When the disability money had run out, he secured a job as a salesman but wasn’t very good at the job. He was computer illiterate, had short term memory problems, and unrealistic expectations of salary. Within days of starting work, he began tuning out and lost all enthusiasm.
He shared his story with me, venting that he just wanted to get his life back after the divorce, the accident, the vagrancy and the long string of “bad luck” that had befallen him. Shortly thereafter, he was thrown out of the motel he was living in for dealing drugs on the premises and had moved to another motel. When he came to me asking for advice and help and telling me he only had $11.00 to his name and no place to go, it sounded as if he was going to be one of those men who just wanted someone to latch onto for support.
I know the type, I’ve ended up with them many times in the past but I thankfully learned from those mistakes and did not let my heart be affected by his attempts. Instead, I gave him phone numbers and addresses of my landlord who has affordable apartments in the area and who would work with him, of the local outreach center who could provide food, clothing and other basic services, and to other places that could help him with his immediate needs. I even gave him my personal card letting him know I was available if he needed someone to talk to or to help him find additional assistance.
Well, the day after he was evicted from his motel room, he also lost the job he’d just started. At that time, I believe he also lost all hope and I felt very sorry for him. That was until I helped clear out his work area and found that not only had he left behind all the valuable information I’d given him for shelter, food and clothing, even my card – he’d thrown the information in the trash. Seeing that immediately changed my opinion of him and validated my gut instinct that this person did not want to do anything for himself. The opportunities he was given received zero effort from him (including the job).
It disgusts me that there are so many good people in the world who try to help others less fortunate by giving them the tools they need to help themselves yet the people they’re trying to help end up completely unappreciative of the help they’re given. I don’t know if it amounts to laziness, arrogance, selfishness, or all of the above, but these people who only seek to take what they can from others without any effort on their own part are just dirt in my opinion. They’ve no appreciation for the time and energy others are willing to put into them and do not deserve any sort of welfare or assistance until they are willing to do something for themselves.
That’s my vent for the day.
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