Category Archives: Friends
Well despite the fact that my commissions were crap last week and I barely had bill money, nevermind any going-out money, I still had a pretty good weekend. Friday night, Dan wanted to come over so we went out for a little bit, got a few drinks, came back to watch a movie. He fell asleep during it – I mean totally crashed – so I let him doze while I talked to a buddy online. But… I was feeling frisky. I didn’t *mean* to wake him up when I got into bed but… Hehe it was by far his best performance yet. …til 6a.m. He finally pulled me close and we fell asleep together, woke up in his arms later on and just lay there studying every curve and rise and line of his sweet face in the morning light. He stirred, looked at me for a moment, held onto me tighter and went back to sleep, as did I, smiling. It was so nice.
later Saturday, a friend had posted some pictures on facebook of a man’s phone number scribbled on a piece of paper and tossed on the ground. From there began a conversation thread about “The sad tale of Matt,” in which numerous people wrote creating a fateful story surrounding the dropped digits. I added my part, but I was curious, so I sent a text to the number, advising what was happening. After about an hour conversation with the guy, we figured out what had happened (which was completely innocent) and we had my friend remove the posts. The guy was PISSED – not at me, but at the fact his number was in facebook so out of context from what had actually conspired. (His girlfriend was none too happy either at the speculations it generated!) the funny part is, out of the whole thing, I ended up making 3 new friends 🙂
Saturday night, I ended up going Downtown but there was nothing really going on, so I headed home after an hour or so of doing photos. Ended up enjoying a surprise when D got in touch with me and had another amazing night – another all-nighter, goddess help me. The man is pure passion. His words, they would melt even the coldest if hearts. We seem to be getting quite close and are great friends, though a relationship with him is not possible at this time. He has too much else going on. But… I’m still enjoying it. Ever since Andy left, it seems my popularity and social life have returned full force, and I am back into life. It’s wonderful.
Last night D earned a dozen golden cupcakes the way he played along and perfectly executed a plan to save me from certain hellfire. I’d gone to the river front just to chill and write for a bit and was watching some kids fishing when their dad came to sit beside me and struck up a conversation. He jokingly handed me a million dollar bill and told me to read it when I got home. …ok? We talked about local fishing, local history, things I could discuss forever. He offered me some gum – no thanks. He offered me an IQ test. …What? Things were getting weird now. He asked me if I believe in God. Oh no… I tried to steer the conversation, but he wouldn’t budge. Where do I think we go when we die? Knowing he wouldn’t understand or accept ANY of my views on this matter, I BS’d my way through the conversation until he turned away to tend to a fish and quickly texted D. “Bible thumper! Save me!” D called me just in time, I answered on speaker phone. He said, “Heeyyyy wanna hang out?” “Sure! Where ya at?” “I’m at home, can you come pick me up?” “Sure! Be there in 10!” And such was my escape… Bible guy says, “Well, looks like you have things to do. Guess we’ll pack it in.” “Yep!” You never saw me fly out of the Marina so fast. I was saved!!! By my tall dark and handsome! Oh it was perfectly done. I love u forever Daisuke!!!!! Man I owe him for that one. We laughed about it all night. The back of the million dollar bill told me I was going to hell. But as D put it, “Well, at least you’re not the only one!”
This post comes about after the Internet – this mysterious web that connects virtually every person and everything in the world – claims yet another victim, this time a 22 year old friendship; one that began long before Facebook or MySpace were so much as a thought, even before the practicality of personal computers came to light. It began back in high school between two girls on the road to finding themselves. This road was full of testing twists and turns, hills, valleys, and a few mountains that seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was a road of bonding and rebellion, of pacts and backstabbing, even of forks that strayed from the other side, often for a decade. One thing was certain – it always met back up in the middle.
Now, after all the years behind this road trip, it seems to have come to a screeching halt, twisted violently into irrepairably damaged shards of what it once was. One friend shared her joy, one shared her sadness. And with only two innocent, self-feeling words from the latter, “wouldn’t know,” the bomb was dropped that destroyed the delicate fabric that held together these two paths. Without compassion, the joyful girl without warning turned words to poison as she proceeded to attack the other, her life, her very feelings, dredging up vile phrases which had in fact nothing to do with the originating topic of conversation. It was as if something cracked in that pretty outer shell that she’d erected and out came the deluge of the pure ugliness within. Ah… now *there’s* the real Her. Shame it won’t be missed.
It shocked quite a few people, this sudden turn of attack. However, after 22 years, one does tend to be able to tell within a person what is real within them. This did not come as much of a surprise to the girl who attempted to share herself and came under attack, because this is how she always remembered the attacker – as one never to be trusted. Words of defense were uttered (read: typed), and that was it. More than two decades were simply erased with the clicking of “Delete.” Now, the fallout of such an event will no doubt continue to ripple on for days as news of it continues to pour into her e-mail in-box long after the deed was done. Certainly they don’t realize she can still see the talk behind her back while lurking in the e-shadows watching the comments fly… or, more than likely they do, in some ways, hope that the words do get back to her, if only for their own opinions to be heard as they jump on the Petty Train. But nevermind, she’s already moved on.
This would not likely have happened were these two friends in the same room, and the same two words had been uttered. Perhaps there may have been a glare, or compassion, or a quiet talk. But that’s the charm of the Internet. One may appear as deep as they desire but in reality, they only hold as much depth as the screen on which they write. It takes personal contact to find the true depth within a person. Online, we are but shallow waters in the sea of pixels. The ability to hide behind a screen makes people – pardon my language – pretty shitty – because there is no real recourse, no judgement, no penalty. Pixelife goes on unfettered, safe in the shallow end.
~~~ …and now, for something completely different. ~~~
Fun weekend 🙂
Had a pretty full weekend here for a change, it was nice 🙂 Friday, Joe had to run over to Tampa for a family thing, but practically rushed back late Friday night to be able to come over (and woke me up when he did lol, although he *did* demand I take a nap before he got here). We were up til 5:30, it was great. At one point, we were standing out front for a smoke and I in my skirt and tank top was literally shivering but didn’t want to battle the kitten and dog trying to run out just to go in and get my jacket. Joe actually took off his shirt and offered it to me. Well, I didn’t know what to think of that, so I just said, “no really, I’m fine!” A little more shivering and he kinda playfully glared at me, went into his truck and pulled out my favourite hoodie (his big grey one) and made me put it on. Oh man, I was in heaven – it’s too big for me and smells like him. Then he wrapped his arms around me and I was warm and cozy and held tight – I haven’t felt that good in so long. We did go back inside eventually to watch a movie, but that got interrupted by other things… finally went to sleep just before sun-up.
Two hours later, Littlebit comes ambling out of the bedroom to find us deeply passed out on the futon. She managed to wake me up long enough to tell her yes, she could get breakfast and go on the computer. (She loves making her own breakfast, it makes her feel self-sufficient. Many times, she offers to make mine too and she does great!) I made it out of bed around 10 and let Joe sleep in a little longer. I loved watching him sleep, he was so tired 🙂 Had to force myself not to crawl back into bed with him though, it would have been too warm and cozy, I would have fallen back asleep and we had things to do!
Alyn had invited us out to a Civil War Reenactment that he was doing Saturday, so we all got ourselves together and headed cross-county to the Boys and Girl’s Club where they had the event. It was small, not a big turnout, but then it was put together in a short time and wasn’t very well advertised. Also, the cannon crew didn’t show up, so that was a disappointment. We had fun though, and there were quite a few older Veterans there happy to share their own war stories, passed down through generations in their own families. Nelson Winbush (center, below) held Joe captive in conversation for a good half hour as they discussed the history of African Americans as soldiers in the Civil War. You can view the Wikipedia article on his Grandfather HERE. Joe was right at home in the topic, as he wants to work to become a History professor. Ashamedly, I don’t know much about history. My interest was always in the Sciences, so I found myself mulling over the medical table for quite some time, mentally conjuring up the uses for the varied powders still in their original vials. I did have to keep my eyes away from the double-edged skin/bone saw however… the thought of amputation in the field just gave me chills.
After the event wound down, we three headed out to the island for a late lunch and I was thrilled to see the Hurricane was back open after several months being closed for renovations. We miraculously landed a parking spot over by the jetty side and walked over for a good meal, then took a walk down the beach and out the jetty. The seas were exceptionally rough on the north side of the inlet, and the kite sailors were taking advantage of the strong winds. It was beautiful out, but Joe’s back was starting to hurt pretty bad (he’s had a couple major surgeries on it in the past 4 years), so we headed back to the apartment after a full day running around outside.
Back at home, Joe was in a lot of pain so he needed to head home and take something for his back and get some rest. Alyn had stopped over briefly to bring us a loaf of homemade banana nut bread (yummy!) but he wasn’t able to stay as he had a sun headache and had to give his sister a ride to work, so we called it a night.
Today is looking to be our typically lazy Sunday (and much-needed). Laundry calls, as well as a good scrub down of the dog. Maybe if Alyn is feeling better this afternoon, we can have a little fire out back and I’ll make some Chicken Alfredo for dinner.
Found out via Myspace again what happened with Clarence. His latest status update from Friday states, “my sister had me arrested over BS. This has been the worst week of my life.”. Ever since his mother passed (which I also had to find about through Myspace ), he’s completely withdrawn from me. We used to be friends, we used to hang out, even if it was just stargazing or a drive up to the corner store… a couple times over the past year and a half, he’s talked me down from… Dangerous thoughts and feelings. We’ve been there for each other. I guess that era has come to a close now though after his little verbal lashing of me last week followed by completely shutting me out. Time to let Clarence revel in his own misery and chase his own anti-dreams and find someone new to look up to. How do you look up to someone who is so deep in an emotional abyss that you can no longer reach them? I miss you C…
As the air warms, so does the heart. The approaching Spring has Andy only a few weeks from his Degree and from home. The excitement makes time fly while the anticipation makes it crawl. I just want to close my eyes and settle back into his arms and exhale. 8 months we’ve been apart. Far too long. The closer he gets, the more the thoughts of marriage invade my day. He’s the one I just could not say no to. Every other proposal in the past was either a “yeah right” or a “WTF am I doing?” There was never a hesitation when Andy asked me on New Years Eve. We’d already talked about it, and it only ever felt positive. He’s earned my trust and my heart. I’m excited over looking into his eyes when he says “I do,” over changing my name, over going to apply for the license together, over organizing our lives to include each other in every aspect… but especially over being in a marriage where I have no doubts my partner really loves me unconditionally and wants to be in it with me through thick and thin. I look forward to family, stability and oneness, to completing my home and my life the way it should be, the way it needs to be without all the abuse and neglect and he’ll I’ve been put through by everyone else I’ve been with. It’s been a long, hard road, but I think I’ve finally found him, and home.
So yeah, random flashback… I’m doing a crossword puzzle earlier and the clue is “foam or froth at sea.”. (sorry, my iPod inserts that extra period outside the quotation and I’ve no idea how to make it stop doing that.) Anyhow, it just reminded me of a 3rd grade field trip where my BFF Tanya and I were playing in the water at Fort Lauderdale Beach. Each time the waves would break around us, she would say to the ocean, “thank you for showing us your sizzles!” Hehe, we’re talking 1979 here. Odd memory to have.
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb… Well in East Central FL, it came in more like a polar bear. Waking temps on the first day of March here were in the mid-30’s, totally uncharacteristic for this area this time of year.
Andy and I are doing great. Word just came up that he also believes in ghosts and the astral whatnots so that is just another thing to bring us closer. We have every night been working on projections together and they have come with great success. We’re able to go out seperately and meet together confirming the same experiences, as well as going out together, feeling each others touches and emotions. It’s beautiful, it’s strong and it let’s us never be apart.
One certain person who likes to think she has caused me to be blocked from doing this has failed. I won’t laugh though, all I can really feel for her is pity that she spends her energy trying to cast others down and cause them pain. The Universe will not let the balance be upset. Those whose work and intent is for the greater good will continue on in their practices, and it will continue to ire the ones whose intent is for the darker things. I for one am too solidly established in my beliefs and practices to allow one spiteful little girl control of my life. It just won’t happen. It simply isn’t possible. Sadly, I don’t think she or others will ever realize this because they are too blinded by their own quest for power. What they also fail to understand is the power they seek is far too large for them to be able to manipulate, let alone control. It exists as a Universal energy and is there to keep balance. No one person, no army has the ability to control this. The few who have learned to grasp some of it have fallen under it and been consumed. Better off just being good to people and toward the world. At least that’s the way I live. It comes more natural that way. Evil takes too much energy. Good energy just comes 🙂
We’re fully into our fire season now and as I stand on the balcony looking west, a huge wall of smoke can be seen rising over the tree line. It’s many miles out, but it’s starting to haze up over this way and looks to be a pretty broad burn. I sent a couple pics of the smoke line to my Facebook, but my phone doesn’t accept Twitter. I have to do that when I get home. Still not sure if it was a prescribed burn or a quick up thru the brush but we are under a long list of fire warnings currently. Doesn’t take much to spark one, that’s for sure!
So random. Anyway…
I’ve a very close friend in South Australia who has been witness to the wildfires firsthand and has been recounting to me his experiences with them. It’s always more accurate it seems to get news from those there rather than via mass media which a lot of the time relies on other sources for its own reporting. If you recall that child’s game “Operator,” you’ll recall that information becomes more and more distorted as it goes down the line.
This then is what my friend says about the fires…
February 9, I received the following from him:
“The fires have been terrible here. The worst part is a large amount of them were purposly lit. We even had a 19 y/o volunteer firey going behind the burn front relighting them… Fire departments do attract pyro’s though.
The toll will likely reach above 200 people. Easily. The largest ER hospital in Australia ran our of Morphine and is calling on other states to donate what they can in terms of medical aid. So while we’re up to 180 deaths, the seriously injured is above that number.
Two family friends were lost protecting their properties. It was all they had, and they tried to defend it, but a quick wind change and they were caught. I’m heading over next week to help out where I can. There’s not much to salvage, but it’s to help their own families and do what I can for them. I’ll take some leave from work to do it.
A lot of foreign press aren’t understanding why people are losing their lives. Comparing the bushfires we’re having to the forest fires of California and the fact there’s little loss of life. Saying we’re not doing something right. Bushifres often have windspeeds of 130kmph (around 70mph). So the fires travel that speed too. A lof of deaths were people fleeing in cars down the highways, only to be overtaken by the flames. You can’t escape it if you’re down-wind from it, and the winds are squalls so there’s rapid wind direction changes (you’re nautical, you’d understand that).
I’ve experienced and 800 meter tall hill be engulfed in flames and destroyed within 20 minutes. A prime example of how dangerous hot air rising can be. The areas effected are very hilly. Some very remote. Aussies are very fire conscious because of the conditions most of us endure. hell, it’s been up to 48c here in Adelaide. Like having a blow driver in your face. Mix that with drought conditions, no humidity and CG lightning strikes as weather troughs pass by… perfect formula for fires. And aussie trees germinate in fires, so they’re natural kindling for them. Always been the case, clean with fire, bring forth new life.
Anyway. It’s the worst natural disaster Australia has experienced. And as some are suggesting, someone is the biggest mass murdered Australia has ever had. Gods help them if anyone finds them before the authorities do. With close to 1000 people losing everything, the fire-bugs life is on the line.
Well, most of my family and what few friends I have are all in Victoria, so that’s been a distraction from the suffering I’m going through. Petty in comparison, but I still feel entitled to feel sorry for myself when I’m not worrying for others.
Hope all is well with you, and hope to hear from you again soon.”
Hope all is well with me? Don’t worry about me – you’re the one I’m worried about! He also sent over a couple photos that he took on his friend’s property.
February 11, he was packing up to head into a hard-hit area to offer assistance, and he wrote to me… “Missing you very much too. And there’s no need to worry, I’ll stay safe. There’s nothing left except spot fires where I’ll be going. Worst danger is roots still smouldering underground and starting something, but there’s around 400 personnel around to address that.”
February 19, the first I’d heard from him in 8 days and I had been very concerned… “Hi Hon, Nothing to worry about, I just got back from being there the last few days. Not exactly any network connectivity over there at the moment, so I was unable to get online. Tough times over there, but people are coming together and giving them the help they can.”
Yesterday, I asked him what news from the outback, and what he told me was more valuable than anything I have read in the media. The amazing thing to me is – this is a friend, someone close to me, and he is a drop in this historic disaster. Even the small bit of assistance he gave I’m sure has touched someone who will never forget him:
“The fires were horrible. News is barely reporting on them even though they’re still going on. Still being lit, and the weather is still encouraging them. When I went over there, I helped get donations (food, clothing, day to day living things) out to people. I spent 2 days in a neighbourhood helping residents scavenge through their ruins, it was horrible, I felt as though I was just stumbling through an incredibly intimate moment that just dragged on and on. But I managed to help a few families search and salvage some mementos of and clear away the rubble so they could start to rebuild.
That’s the amazing part. So many of them aren’t moving on. They’re sucking it up and just rebuilding. “There’s other worse” says the father who’s lost everything. How the fuck could it get any worse for you, you silly bastard? These people are strong.”
I think my pet doesn’t like me anymore :((
(Jyllie is me, Gats is my pet I just took the rest of his name out… Eddie is the almost-most-important-person-in-my-whole-real-life)
[19:08] Gats: I just hate that song XD
[19:09] Jyllie Nightfire: my brother sings it to me all the time! 😦 *sniff*
[19:09] Gats: I still hate it XD
[19:09] Jyllie Nightfire: i think i don’t like my kitty tonite 😦
[19:09] Gats sobs
[19:10] Jyllie Nightfire: noooo sob i sob first :’-((
[19:13] Jyllie Nightfire sniffs pitifully, tucks tail and walks away….
[19:14] Gats latches onto her tail and is dragged along.
[19:14] Jyllie Nightfire: ow….
[19:14] Jyllie Nightfire is reminded to hold you down and clip those claws….
[19:14] Gats: >.>
[19:15] Gats bleeds to death cause she didn’t do it right.
[19:15] Jyllie Nightfire: nuuuuuuuuu i have a styptic stick just in case!!!!
[19:15] Gats is already dead 😛
[19:15] Jyllie Nightfire breathes life into her kitten and remembers she doesn’t like him right now
[19:16] Gats doesn’t think she’s Heshua or God so she can’t do taht 😛
[19:16] Jyllie Nightfire: CPR man… Catten Pawmonary Resussitation
[19:18] Gats: Byebye, for the night, babes.
[19:18] Jyllie Nightfire: *pout*
[19:18] Jyllie Nightfire: love u?
[19:19] Gats is Offline
[19:20] Jyllie Nightfire: i only killed you on accimident!!!!!!
[19:20] Second Life: User not online – message will be stored and delivered later.
[20:42] Edward: wow – what did you use to trim the claws – a chainsaw?
THAT! WAS SO! WRONG!!! I hope my pet Gats comes home tomorrow?
Still here, still alive, exhausted as hell and fighting a cold of some sort… hasn’t quite hit me yet but I feel the body kicking in to try and kill it off…
Friday – BAD blowout on the way home from littlebit’s school… the 5th tire that has had a problem on my car since I got it a few months ago. Ended up in a muddy median in the rain, rush hour on Friday, damn near got hit several times before a traffic volunteer finally showed up and shoved it the rest of the way off the road til AAA could get there… AAA couldn’t get a jack under the car the traditional way to the guy physically had to lift the front of the car enough for me to kick the jack under, then pull out a hydraulic lift to push it up enough to get it in the right spot… tire came off the rim, it was nasty. I have narrowed the issue down to the dealership cheaply purchasing QC Fail tires from the makers (Goodyear AND Firestone), and passing them off as good tires at full price. Drove home on an old donut that is already past its prime.
Saturday – Dylan gets in a HUGE blowout with his parents that goes on for hours… and I’m in the middle of it because he needed me there.
Sunday – Littlebit is showing off to Nathan and his brother (neighbor kids) and lands herself in an ant pile — those black ants that not only bite but leave pus-filled blisters painfully all over you. She doesn’t realize she’s in an ant hill (nor do I) until they all start biting her at once and she ends up covered from the thighs down. A day of much benedryl and ice packing later, she finally told me they didn’t hurt anymore and she was back to herself. Later that night, knowing that I had an appointment for the tire issue early Monday morning and not sure if I would be able to get littlebit to school in time, I tried getting a hold of her father to come pick her up that night so he could bring her to school in the morning since he’s 5 minutes from it, and I’m an hour from it — no response. So, I finally got a hold of her evil stepmother who proceeded to argue with me over time-and-place until 9:00 at night when littlebit would have normally been in her bath. Finally she told me to meet her at a certain place “ASAP!” and so I got her things together and we left. 45 minutes of sitting in a dark parking lot with no one around, and with NO answer via phone or text, I finally gave up, telling her I was not going to keep my daughter up and out this late and the least she could have done was SHOW UP. This is not the first time this has happened. Her father has told me to take littlebit to his house instead of to school and then left her knocking on the door for an extended time only to text me 20 minutes later to just take her to school — he told me to take her to his house and he wasn’t even *there* — what a great dad! So basically all my daughter is learning is that no one on that side of the family can be trusted or counted on. And they call *me* the “bad parent.” Ok… sure. I may not have their money or house or cars but I sure as hell have never left my daughter stranded. Jackasses.
Monday – Before dawn, littlebit and I arrive at our car appointment to find out the side wall was the problem in the blown tire, and I’m forced to purchase my 5th tire on the car. Had the tech check the alignment and all the mountings and rims and he said he couldn’t find anything amiss – that I was getting bad tires.
$96.00 later, I managed to still get littlebit to school on time and me to work on time. Dylan told me on this that I am God. I said no, I’m better than God. I am super-mom! He found that warmly amusing, and that’s why I love him.
Rest of the week has been a blur of lack of sleep and too much “busy-work” at work, without any substantial income-generating work. My commissions this week are a whole bit $0.00. This week is going to hurt BAD.
Today however did bring some good news. My boss overheard me talking about my home computer issues (it’s 5 or 6 years old, bought 3 years ago used and cheap) and told me that he was going to pay for Justin to build me a new computer and set it up in my home. PLUS — he is giving me a flatscreen monitor. They are all parts from around the office but WOW — it will be such an upgrade to what I have now, my first thought after OMG THANK YOU?!?!?!? was “I’ll finally be able to SEE SECOND LIFE!!!!” I tell you, the rezzing issues, the 0.25FPS…. it’s pointless for me to be in a SIM where there is more than just me. I can’t move, I can’t see, it’s horrible, and the more updates Linden Labs comes out with, the worse it gets. I finally just gave up and I stay on Beachcomber hanging out with Argos and Chip while Dylan does build for Legato and her gaming area. I have never been lag-free on SL, I don’t think. Out at Avaria it isn’t too bad in the wilds, but near the outpost forget it. Hopefully soon that will change. I will keep this computer for littlebit, Firewire all my important things over to the new one, and eventually get a router so that way we can both be online at the same time, I can watch her and do my own thing too. The laptop used to be primarily hers but… well Danny is an asshole and took that computer with all her programs on it.
So that’s that. Tomorrow night we are going trick-or-treating in the neighborhood, which unfortunately will be only a few blocks because I can’t walk much more than that anymore, but she will have her Neko costume that she wanted so badly. This weekend will see a lot of chores and concentration on studies. Monday night, Whitney (my friend of 18 years) is coming up to hang out with me and will probably stay the night because it’s a 2 hour drive between here and home. It’s ok, I have a futon spare for him but we will more than likely be up most of the night anyway.