Shattering Fears with Karaoke

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, approximately 7% of Americans suffer some degree of social anxiety. This reflects only the professionally diagnosed case and encompasses all age groups, generally taking hold during the teen years. It is important to note social anxiety is not simply shyness. It is a psychological disorder that affects the functions of daily life.


My own onset came at some point after college. During my elementary years I was an oddball but then I had an odd upbringing. I still cringe remembering some of my antics and how little I cared about them. High school, the same. I was fearless, had a large group of friends in several different circles, and was open to anything. College came and I calmed down a bit, eventually becoming quite socially isolated once I got established in my own place. I had gotten tossed out of my home at 17 and basically couch surfed and lived in a youth shelter until my first real apartment at 21.


I was ill-prepared for the world. I was terrified and beginning to realize that a single young female was vulnerable. During my transition from a sheltered life to forced independence, I was raped, I was mugged, I was in a physically abusive relationship with the guy I had my first apartment with. He quickly abandoned me (thank God). I was learning not to trust people. I began to leave my apartment less and less, at one point going three months without leaving my room except to retrieve mail and delivered groceries. I existed only online (dial-up, if you can fathom that). Loneliness took over and I tried going on a few blind dates, all of which were disasters. Nope. I was done with people.


After so much avoidance, I could no longer function around people. Even job interviews triggered panic attacks where I would sweat and stammer and make a fool of myself. I remember an incident at a job where I was tasked with giving a PowerPoint presentation on skip tracing and private investigation (I’ve had some interesting jobs). I’d compiled the presentation perfectly however when it came time to present it, I froze. Physically froze. I couldn’t move a muscle. My boss was telling me to start, to speak. My mouth opened and nothing came out. I hid my face. I looked up and the whole office was starting at me. The tears started to come and I ran into the bathroom to cry.


Fast forward to recent years and two of the closest people to me, one being my daughter, also suffer from this level of social anxiety. Whenever I am with them, I have to be the strong one. I have to do the talking. I have to make the moves they can’t, whether it’s asking for help or initiating a phone call. I’ve had to put my own issues aside to help them function with theirs. Someone forcing me to speak couldn’t break the fear but having to be the voice for someone I love certainly helped put a crack in it.


This brings me to this past weekend.

Yep, that’s my weird self. Microphone in hand, I sang my heart out at a small Karaoke party Saturday night. I never thought I’d see the day. The support I had is what made all the difference. It was a small group of very friendly people – perfect strangers and casual friends – and my daughter. She promised if I sang, she would sing with me. She put her own fears aside to coax me through mine, something I’ve been doing for her most of her life. It felt like my parenting had come full circle and I was too proud of her to let her down.


In front of a full bar, there’s no way I could have done it. But in this intimate setting, a tiny lounge in the back of a proper arcade where I know all the regulars, it was scary but not impossible. If I start small, maybe I can use this as therapy and really start to come through the anxiety that has crippled me half my life.


If you’d like to learn more about social anxiety, the following site has a wealth of information on the topic:


ADAA https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder