Mosquitoes in December

Mini Vampire

Alright… I understand it’s Florida. I understand it’s been a strange year for weather what with 15,000 named storms in the Atlantic this hurricane season (which started early and doesn’t want to end). But dear Mother Nature, can you please cut us a break? It’s bad enough to still be in the 80s entering December. The mosquitos though have got to go.

Mosquitos belong in the summer. Steamy August nights, a whining buzz in your ear followed by a slap on the neck. Wearing long sleeves in the 90% humidity even though you know they’re going to bite through your clothing anyway. They are relentless little vampires whose only purpose in life is to eat and breed.

Honestly though, I enjoy my time outside. It’s my space to breathe in the fragrant flora, the scent of rain. It is my space to defuse, to ground, and to let inspiration flow into me. It’s my space to just be one with the earth.


But I can’t *slap* rightly do any of *slap* these things if you *slap* won’t stop frikken *slap* eating me alive!


And when my presence outside isn’t enough for you, you take advantage of every gap in the house you can find to get in. You bite me while I’m working at my desk. You bite me in bed. Do you never sleep? For heaven’s sake it’s December! Go burrow underground or do whatever you do but go away!

Enough Nature!

As if the black widow in my flower pot the other weekend wasn’t bad enough… (hairspray and a lighter fixed that one…)

Alright so… Sunday, Alyn and I are out swimming in the Intracoastal. It’s coming up on dusk, lots of schools of fish are out feeding (and being fed upon)… i’m about waist-deep in the water but sunk down to my shoulders just relaxing… along comes a SWARM (not a school, a swarm!) of fish (the surface of the water was rolling) and they start nipping at me so I jump up only to feel something having a hissyfit in my bathing suit top! Yanked my top down (lucky Alyn) – a frikken fish propels itself out and takes off to go find his buddies. I said, “Ok! That’s enough nature for me!” and [quickly] made my way to shore squashing I don’t know how many crabs and sea slugs and God only knows what else under my feet on my way in because at that point I just didn’t care about looking where I was going.

Then!

Today after a very busy day at work and a NASTY virus hit that caused me to have to stay a couple hours late, by the time I got home all I wanted to do was put my feet up and RE-LAX. The sunset was getting pretty after a storm began to dissipate, so I took my book of crosswords outside and went to settle into my favourite porch chair. No sooner did I sit than I was swarmed by freakin’ wasps. I – BOLTED down my driveway, goosebumps head to toe, and waited for them to disburse. They didn’t. I managed to get a look at what they were concentrating on and there was a damned wasp nest attached to the underside back of my chair!!!

So I’m out in my driveway, completely befuddled and freaked out, BAREFOOT, my phone inside, very angry wasps swarming my front porch (and of course the front door was the only one unlocked) – and my only weapon was a crossword puzzle book. Yeh – time to die.

I tried for about 20 minutes to time a mad dash for the front door but they just kept circling and getting angrier. Finally, I walked over to Tracy’s apartment and after hiding my head in shame asked if they might have any wasp spray. NOPE. Todd thought it would be a good idea to go spray them down with the hose, so he did. The result? A hive of WET, pissed off wasps. After while, a flyswatter was acquired and Tracy covered me, managing to maim a couple of them while I dashed inside for my keys and whatnot. I ran back out spraying a cloud of Raid and ducked into my car and went straight to the store for a can of wasp killer. I’m inside now… 2 hours later… and luckily none got inside! Oh, and she was nice and gave me dinner again 🙂

Summary: I DON’T LIKE NATURE ANY MORE!!!!!