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From Silence Came Wisdom

In Response To: Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound Of Silence

In life, I am a very sound-sensitive individual. Certain pitches and volumes that would normally just annoy most people physically hurt at times. Too many differing sounds make me want to cover my ears and scream (perfect example: heavy metal music or a loud television with unpredictable shifts in volume).

Several years ago, when I was actively involved in meeting with my spiritual guide on the astral plane through meditation, I was sitting in my apartment one night about to crawl out of my skin. I ran to the back of the building to escape the noises of the air conditioner, the TV and the cars outside…

I closed my eyes and immediately sought my Guide who was waiting for me and he tells me, “Let me be your peace.” He takes me into his arms piece by piece, frequency by frequency, we shut out all the noise. In silence, he has me spiritually enter a tall, strong oak tree in my neighbor’s back yard and I become one with it. He tells me to hear the heartbeat of the tree.

I say: I know this tree.

He says: “You know because you feel . You feel because you are. Now, what do you feel?”

I say: I feel the heartbeat, which pulses once in a year. Once in a season. The roots swell with the rains and with the force of life which will push up into new leaves and blooms. I feel its slow strength. I feel its serenity. I feel every memory. I feel the cold earth surrounding my feet. I feel my arms reaching high in its branches toward the sun. I feel the energies it draws in and those it puts out. I feel the force of life ever flowing. I feel the dark stillness inside the heartwood. I feel the rush of the wind. I feel the complexity of its internal patterns. I feel its age. I feel it holding strong to its will to survive. I feel its faith. I feel its health and its dis-ease. I feel its healed scars. I feel its perseverance. I feel its slow pulse and the reason for its longevity. I feel its patience.

My Guide tells me: “In the end, what you feel is the secret of life. You truly are awakened. You know. This is your wisdom – the way to peace, to knowledge, to those things that you cannot learn from man. You are one with nature, and it is one with you. This tree has allowed you inside its very core. It knows you are of good will, and it knows you possess the Gift. The others will all feel the mark of its energies within you, now that you have joined it as one. You are indeed a very special, precious child. I told you in the beginning you were gifted. Now you understand… this is what I meant. This is why you are here, because all your senses are in tune with the nature that surrounds you. In silence, you can communicate with nearly everything. Many of us cannot. Many of us only possess a special connection with certain entities but you, my dear, you have the ability to hear the trees, the spirits of nature, the spirits of men, the spirits of all that surrounds you.”

My Guide continues: “I know that you have lost faith in men (people), but do not lose faith in nature, for that is what you are here to protect. Mankind has destroyed itself and now settles into its death. Nature… it will survive, but it will need to be healed and to be able to heal it, we must be able to understand its needs above what we can already see with our eyes. We must also apply our minds to the energies it gives us and decode its secrets with an understanding that very few have managed to achieve.”

From silence came wisdom and with wisdom, the ability to understand the world around me with closed eyes and an open mind. Sometimes after all, we must close our eyes to truly see.

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Cynicism Status Critical

Just not a good day today. Not a good WEEK. Let me start with Tuesday morning. 7:00 in the morning, I go to get my shower and nothing is coming out but brown drippy stuff from the faucet. Lovely. Called the utility company and they sent someone out pretty quickly. Dug up the meter and the lines, and the guy tested the pressure and it was fine. He however broke the line on the property that connects to the meter because it was so corroded and rusted out. The piece of pipe he cut away to replace, he showed me and I am saving it for the landlord (Century 21 of all people). The outside of the pipe is all rusted through, and the inside is so full of rust and corrosion that you cannot even see LIGHT through it. It’s almost completely closed off. That explains my no water pressure since I moved in there 3 years ago. Finally the pipes just gave out.

He patched what he could, and told me it’s actually the property owner’s responsibility. Well, the same thing has been happening for 2 years with my sewer line out front. It has clogged so many times from dirt and roots because it has channel rot and there’s basically no pipe LEFT. Sewage and drain water seeps out into the ground out front, nothing will drain. The tub after a bath takes overnight to go down. The kitchen sink flows out the emergency drain that’s hooked into the side of the house, flowing onto the ground instead of down into the city sewer. Virginia Pines has been told about this for 2 years, both my myself and by the plumbers that keep having to come out, and they refused to do anything about it. Century 21, when they bought the property from Virginia Pines, was also made aware, in writing, by both, and have refused to address it. Can they be sued for this? The place is unlivable.

So this prompted me to rent the first place I could find, the cheapest one at $125 a week. One bedroom, not too bad, still more than I can afford but definitely in a safer area. The landlord however has already made comments about getting me in bed. I have to move in there this weekend, my lease starts Friday.

Finances aside, physically moving is the other issue. I have NO ONE to help me. All the people around here that I have been friends with, all the ones I’ve helped — now that I need honest help because I can’t lift furniture and have nothing to get it to the new place in — nothing but a volley of excuses from them. Some disappear completely. I don’t understand what is wrong with people. They just take and take and when someone needs, they turn their backs.

So basically unless someone comes through to me, I’m going to be without furniture. I might be able to fit the futon mattress in the car if I can fold and roll it but I’m not sure — PT Cruisers are TINY. Computer will be on the floor. Everything will be on the floor. I might could make the hall closet into a makeshift bookshelf, idk. Not like I am rich in towels or linens anyway. I just don’t damn know. All I know is I have never NEVER felt THIS ALONE in my life.

This whole situation has left me very cold, very hard, very cynical, and it’s not a nice place to be in your heart. I am pissed off. I am frustrated. I am struggling. I need physical help. And no one is there. I am reminded again of why I was a hermit for so many years in the 90’s. Because people were just the same back then.

I had to come this week to a very tough realization that I’m not gonna be able to provide any further help for anyone from now on IF IT MEANS that it is taking away from me — my food, my funds, my gas… I have gone without basic things to provide them for others who call themselves friends, and family, and all they have done is taken it and disappeared, even though they have known me for years. Call me selfish, call me a bitch, call me what you will — I can’t be there for you. Not until I am stable on MY OWN FEET. But with no one helping me, I can’t help anyone else.

The only thing I can continue is my counseling of others and those requesting help are coming through my website and owe me nothing. The counseling is just part of my title of Reverend. It’s just what I do when needed.  That aspect of assistance remains professional, anonymous, and without judgement.  Anything else, otherwise…. I just can’t. I have to survive and right now, I’m not.