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Desperate Times (Please Share And Help)

Dear Readers, do you feel like being someone’s angel today? Please share everywhere that you can, and please donate if you’re able.  Every little bit helps and it will help put a family in a safe place to live.

Here is the link: http://www.gofundme.com/40gc88

Thank you and God Bless…

Daily Prompt Writing: The Nomadic Life

From the Daily Prompt: Rolling Stone

If you could live a nomadic life, would you? Where would you go? How would you decide? What would life be like without a “home base”?”

This has always been a bit of a dream of mine, to live just to live, to enjoy experiences in life that aren’t possible within the constraints of a lease, a day job, shared custody and other limiting factors.  For a 40 year old who treasures new sights and experiences, meeting different people, photographing different areas and being immersed in different cultures, it must be said that I have gotten very few opportunities in life to do any of this.  The extent of my travels has been through the Carolinas, The Bahamas and Mexico.  All instances were limited by time and money and only left me wanting more.  To live as a nomad would still require some sort of stability – ironic, I know.  This means I would not want to live as a beggar but rather be able to earn a little money no matter where I went in order to remain self-sufficient (and fed!).  More than likely, I would take on some kind of art or craft and sell my talents at various events and festivals across the country, throughout the year. Part of those crafts could be hand-penned original inspirational poetry on parchment, ready to frame in someone’s study or bedroom.  Ideally, I would have a small RV in which I could keep my scant belongings and a bicycle to use for travel throughout the area of the moment.  I would of course need to remain tech savvy – Internet access would be vital as it is to nearly everyone today.  I would likely gather information on upcoming events and places to go from the web in order to keep short-term plans in order.  This would allow me to remain a wanderlust but one who would not be caught off guard by not having a place to park, sleep or sell crafts.  I wouldn’t say that there would be no “home base.”  I would have my RV – wherever it took me would be home.  The whole of the continental USA would be my home!  The beautiful thing about the Internet is that it brings people together no matter where they are, so losing touch with family and friends would not be an issue.  It would be a simple life, free of undue clutter, free of the feeling of being cooped up and held captive by societal constraints.  As a Sagittarius, this sort of nomadic life would be what my soul has always craved.  I am determined to one day see this to fruition.

Unexpected Recognition

This news won’t come as any surprise to my Facebook followers (where this blog has an autofeed) but it is still worth sharing here. A couple weeks ago, motivated by some friends on Twitter, I decided to chase a dream to get involved in social work – officially.

In the past, I used to counsel and mentor runaway youths, then moved on to working with parent-child dynamics and on to battered women. I had gone through the ordination process to become a non-denominational minister to back the services I was providing.  Years of doing this however had left me emotionally drained. It became very hard to remain compassionate while staying emotionally detached from the cases and I had to step away.

In speaking with a friend recently, he pointed out a link to two things I enjoyed: helping others and doing research on just about everything. This led me to start a project called Helping Hands Community Research. The propose of this project is to assist people in finding local resources when they are in need – things like food pantries, clothing, financial assistance, etc. – as these sources are often difficult to locate. Since the inception of HHCR, I’ve gotten numerous requests through the website thanks to friends helping spread the word of it via social media.

What has me excited today is that I got a call from CASTLE, a local family services non-profit, who heard about my project and asked that I meet with them in person to give them more information on it. They said it sounded like something that was in line with what they do and would like to try to fit it in as a part of their family services programs.

This… has blown me away. Never before have I been this recognized for anything I’ve done and this presents a huge opportunity for me to really get involved in community service with other local organizations supporting my cause. I’m just amazed! I meet with CASTLE Friday afternoon and am so excited to be able to discuss the project at length and drum up some support.

In the short run, I do hope this becomes a networking opportunity toward actual paid work as I remain unemployed and looking daily, but in the end, just knowing I have done some good here, created something worth being supported – that just makes me so happy. As always, I am here to serve.

Working For Free – Oyster Reef Volunteer

Having been out of work for some time now, the cabin fever was setting in pretty hard.  Between having no income yet still spending gas to get to job interviews, there was no gas to just get away for pleasure, a break from the monotony and certainly no funds for entertainment.  I needed to feel useful again, productive.  That is when I came across a request in the local paper for volunteers to help that coming weekend on a project to build an artificial reef in the area.  I’m a nature lover and have always been interested in (and often active in) conservation efforts – how cool was that?

After e-mailing the listed contact for details, I was excited to get to work – even if it was for free.  I let a friend of mine know about the project and he was on board as well.  That Saturday, he picked me up early and we went out to Harbour Pointe on the inlet where several tons of oyster shells were ready in large barrels and on sheets of plywood in huge piles.

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About 20 other volunteers showed up and we were given a brief primer on the task at hand.    We organized ourselves into each area – shoveling, bagging and tying off.  I shoveled shells into smaller buckets while my friend bagged and tied them.  They were then loaded onto a truck to be moved to their final resting place in Wildcat Cove.  

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During a break in which bottled water and other drinks were provided, the leader of the operation and a colleague commended us all on our efforts which far exceeded their expectations.  In just about 2 hours, we’d already assembled about 400 20-pound oyster bags for deployment.  My friend and I stayed for a 20-minute informational lecture about oyster reefs, their local benefits, lots of statistics and zoological info as well.  We broke for lunch then and would meet up at low tide a few miles up the coast at Wildcat Cove.

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Upon arrival at Wildcat Cove, we found the oyster bags in a neat pile in front of the canoe launch.  Another 100 bags had been assembled and brought up in two deliveries.  It took a little brainstorming as to how we were going to get the bags to the reef area, but one adventurous girl with her own kayak said she could pull floating tubs of about 30 bags per load out to the location.  There was some interesting trial-and-error in getting the system going, including one thankfully good-humored man getting impossibly stuck in the thick muck at the bottom of the river.  It took more than ten minutes to get the river to release his legs and he lost a shoe, but we got him back safely!  Note to self: Don’t go into the water without a boat here!

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Once we got the production line going, the rest was – pardon the pun – smooth sailing.  Bags were floated out to a mangrove area where a 4-foot high oyster “wall” was built staggered around the mangroves.  Once settled and cemented, these artificial reefs will provide settling places for new oyster spawns, as well as providing habitat for young fish and feeding grounds for birds such as herons, ibis, loons, cormorants, anhingas and more.

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I remain in contact with the organizer of this effort who works for the county in coastal restoration and he is helping me network with other people in the field so that I may actually find work in conservation or a related field.  Even if it is a desk job, it would be a great opportunity (and has been) to do something productive in a field I really enjoy.  Another reef build is coming up in two days.  This time my daughter will also be involved, getting her hands dirty and having a positive impact on our local, unique and delicate ecosystem.

Perblog 11-14-2010

Fun weekend 🙂

Had a pretty full weekend here for a change, it was nice 🙂 Friday, Joe had to run over to Tampa for a family thing, but practically rushed back late Friday night to be able to come over (and woke me up when he did lol, although he *did* demand I take a nap before he got here). We were up til 5:30, it was great. At one point, we were standing out front for a smoke and I in my skirt and tank top was literally shivering but didn’t want to battle the kitten and dog trying to run out just to go in and get my jacket. Joe actually took off his shirt and offered it to me. Well, I didn’t know what to think of that, so I just said, “no really, I’m fine!” A little more shivering and he kinda playfully glared at me, went into his truck and pulled out my favourite hoodie (his big grey one) and made me put it on. Oh man, I was in heaven – it’s too big for me and smells like him. Then he wrapped his arms around me and I was warm and cozy and held tight – I haven’t felt that good in so long. We did go back inside eventually to watch a movie, but that got interrupted by other things… finally went to sleep just before sun-up.

Two hours later, Littlebit comes ambling out of the bedroom to find us deeply passed out on the futon. She managed to wake me up long enough to tell her yes, she could get breakfast and go on the computer. (She loves making her own breakfast, it makes her feel self-sufficient. Many times, she offers to make mine too and she does great!) I made it out of bed around 10 and let Joe sleep in a little longer. I loved watching him sleep, he was so tired 🙂 Had to force myself not to crawl back into bed with him though, it would have been too warm and cozy, I would have fallen back asleep and we had things to do!

Alyn had invited us out to a Civil War Reenactment that he was doing Saturday, so we all got ourselves together and headed cross-county to the Boys and Girl’s Club where they had the event. It was small, not a big turnout, but then it was put together in a short time and wasn’t very well advertised. Also, the cannon crew didn’t show up, so that was a disappointment. We had fun though, and there were quite a few older Veterans there happy to share their own war stories, passed down through generations in their own families. Nelson Winbush (center, below) held Joe captive in conversation for a good half hour as they discussed the history of African Americans as soldiers in the Civil War. You can view the Wikipedia article on his Grandfather HERE. Joe was right at home in the topic, as he wants to work to become a History professor. Ashamedly, I don’t know much about history. My interest was always in the Sciences, so I found myself mulling over the medical table for quite some time, mentally conjuring up the uses for the varied powders still in their original vials. I did have to keep my eyes away from the double-edged skin/bone saw however… the thought of amputation in the field just gave me chills.

Here are some shots from the event, including Littlebit, Joe, Alyn and his uncle Jim…

After the event wound down, we three headed out to the island for a late lunch and I was thrilled to see the Hurricane was back open after several months being closed for renovations. We miraculously landed a parking spot over by the jetty side and walked over for a good meal, then took a walk down the beach and out the jetty. The seas were exceptionally rough on the north side of the inlet, and the kite sailors were taking advantage of the strong winds. It was beautiful out, but Joe’s back was starting to hurt pretty bad (he’s had a couple major surgeries on it in the past 4 years), so we headed back to the apartment after a full day running around outside.

Back at home, Joe was in a lot of pain so he needed to head home and take something for his back and get some rest. Alyn had stopped over briefly to bring us a loaf of homemade banana nut bread (yummy!) but he wasn’t able to stay as he had a sun headache and had to give his sister a ride to work, so we called it a night.

Today is looking to be our typically lazy Sunday (and much-needed). Laundry calls, as well as a good scrub down of the dog. Maybe if Alyn is feeling better this afternoon, we can have a little fire out back and I’ll make some Chicken Alfredo for dinner.

From The Worst Year Comes The Best Christmas…

My Daddycat is Home!!!!!

Is Luvs

Is Luvs

Dylan finally arrived in my arms on December 29th at 2 a.m. after 2 days on a bus with countless delays and OMG. Christmas may have been a few days late this year but Kari and I couldn’t have gotten a better gift than that big family hug after he hurried over weighed down with luggage, smile and eyes lit up like they were.

Angels n Daemons LOL

Angels n Daemons LOL

Well we have been running nonstop with Kari which is the main reason I haven’t been online in a week. We’ve also been catching up and spending every waking moment together until work and school starts back on the 5th. He brought with him a beautiful lapis and silver ring that was made for the occasion, and we finalized and sealed our custom-written handfasting on the 1st, under the stars with our guardians watching over us as faces in the clouds – and the wind didn’t even blow out the candle until we released the guardians. (I know I just lost like 80% of the people reading this like “the who? wha?”) So we start the New Year with a bind, a deep-rooted promise, the protection of our Guardians, and the Universe being witness to our love and intent.

Also yesterday since my mom has no computer, we printed off about 5 dozen pictures to mail down to her. She’s a bit in disbelief herself. Can’t blame her, I was too. Not only at him making it back down, but as she put it, “I thought you were never getting married again?” Yeah well… The handfasting came in October… the final binds came last night… the legalities come soon enough. We need to wait a bit on that because he may need to return to NJ to do one more semester on his degree — I hope to god not, I will DIE if I have to be away from him any more. Honestly, it will not be pretty. Me + alone = BAD. I will lose it. But — hopefully things will work out and it can be finished here. I don’t want to think about it… no more time apart… can’t take it.

For some reason Beyonce is *still* running through my head… song… stuck… can’t… get… it… out… “If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it… If ya like it then ya shoulda put a ring on it…” OK I’m good now. Musical tourettes.

Ah, I hear shifting in the back… at least one of my sleepy kitties must finally be up >^..^<

Blissful Kitties

Blissful Kitties

Daddycat n Babycat

Daddycat n Babycat

Dylan and I

Dylan and I

White Lighters vs Dark Entities

For the past couple weeks, I have been poring over Sylvia Browne’s book “End Of Days,” and have been utterly fascinated with the spiritual insights both remembered and gained. 

Today, I got to an area near the end of the book called “The Dark Side At The End Of Days,” and once into this section, I began recognizing my EX-HUSBAND as being perfectly described here.  Not only him, but his entire family, as they all follow the same line of thinking, the same predictable actions designed to cause any sort of harm to others as they can for the sole purpose of “feeding” themselves.  For years, I have said it is as if they are not happy unless they are hurting someone else, that this is where they get their joy and sense of achievement.

Let me quote some of the passage here, and I’m curious if any of you have someone like this in your life as well…

* They have no conscience, no sincere remorse, and no sense of responsibility for their actions.  They take all the credit and none of the blame for everything that happens around them, and self-justification is their first and only response to criticism.

* In psychiatric terms, they’re true sociopaths.  They expertly mimic human behavior without ever really feeling it.  They can simulate charm, sensitivity, empathy, love, regret, and piety to gain proximity to us (the White Lighters).  They promptly drop the act once they’ve won us over, though, having no further use for it and frankly finding it to be too much work.  We White Entities, because our emotions and faith are genuine, have trouble imagining that we’ve been witnessing a performance.  So we cling to our trust in them and our loyalty to them, trying desperately to reinspire that wonderful person we’re sure is in there because we saw them with out own eyes, unable to grasp that that wonderful person never really existed in the first place.

*  As far as the Dark Side is concerned, we White Entities are nothing but a collection of walking mirrors.  If their reflection through our eyes is flattering, we’re valuable to them.  But the minute we catch on that we’ve been looking at a mask, and they no longer like the way they look in our “mirror,” they’ll react in one of two ways — they’ll get as far away from us as possible, or they’ll repeat the award-winning performance that attracted us in the first place in the hope of attracting us again.

{I would like to add a third possible response here, that being that I have noticed they will also ATTACK when challenged, as I go through this constantly in my own divorce and even when I thought life with him was “good.”  These attacks take on many forms, and are directly related to finding the weakest point within the Light person and seeking to taunt and harm it as much as possible.}

*  Dark Entities couldn’t care less about the laws of God or the laws of respectable society.  They live by their own self-serving rules, which change at their convenience and don’t necessarily apply to anyone else around them.  They view even their worst behavior as perfectly, invariably acceptable; but they might become outraged if someone aims that same behavior at them.  The result of this seeming inconsistency is that the White Entities close to them are kept constantly off-balance, which gives the Dark Entity that much more power.

*  The goal of the Dark Entity isn’t to turn a White Entity dark.  They know that can’t be done.  Their goal is to extinguish the White Entity’s light (AYEA!) since darkness can’t exist where light is present (literally and figuratively).  They don’t necessarily try to destroy the White Entity physically.  More often they’ll create as much emotional turbulence, self-doubt, guilt, and depression as possible in as many White Entities as they have access to, so that the White Entities lose their self-confidence, strength and power.

*  Dark Entities rarely enjoy each others’ company – with no light to extinguish, no flattering reflection to gaze into, and no control to be gained over someone with the same bag of tricks, there would be no point.  Instead, they methodically and deliberately seek us out.  And at least once in our lives, we’re likely to seek them out too.  It has nothing to do with being stupid.  It has to do with taking our spiritual responsibilities seriously and believing it’s our moral responsibility to reach out to someone we perceive to be lost, in trouble, or misunderstood.

She goes on to state:  “A Dark Entity can’t be turned white any more than a White Entity can be turned dark.  We can’t appeal to a conscience that doesn’t exist; we can’t inspire genuine remorse in someone who takes no responsibility for their actions; and we can’t ignite sincere love in someone who only loves God Himself on an as-needed basis.” 

Or, I would add, “who only loves himself.”

This section really shed a lot of light (no pun intended) on my understanding the continued harassment and abuse I still get from my ex-husband.  The selfish acts are only outdone by the way he (and his family) so blatantly turn the guilt over their own actions onto others, blaming others for things that they themselves actually did (and are doing). 

This theme has echoed throughout my entire time of knowing him, and a long time ago I realized that this theme will continue until it is possible to completely and finally cease all contact with him.  However, with a young child and shared custody, this will not be possible for many years yet.  It is exhausting to think about, it is stressful to say the least to have to endure, but I know that it will all end one day and the thing I am MOST thankful for is that my child, young though she is, also sees these trends, recognizes them, and bless her pure soul, she will NOT let his darkness overcome her, or me. 

She is strong in herself, and she trusts in me.  I show her the Light whereas “they” shower her in darkness, concealed as “good intentions,” and she takes these occurrences smiling while in her heart, she knows the Truth.  She talks to me about it.  To a point, she understands it.  She definitely sees the patterns.  And she refuses to follow along.  I wish I had not, however if it weren’t for that Dark Entity worming its way into my life, I would not have my daughter today, and for that I am ever grateful.

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