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Daily Prompt: Simply The Best

This post is in response to: Daily Prompt: Simply the Best | http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/daily-prompt-best/

Where do you do your best thinking?

My mind is one of those that always seems to be going non-stop, even when I’m trying to get to sleep (sometimes especially then).  To make it all make sense takes special focus.  It takes actual pen and paper to chart out those processes, expand them, tie them together, and condense them in an organized, easy to tend manner.  While thoughts on everything from finances to short story ideas come in a mudslide, my key to gaining this coveted organization is sensory deprivation – or as close as I can get to achieving that.

This state of thought can rarely be achieved at home. With seven or more people in the house at any given time, there is rarely any quiet, much less a time of few to no distractions.  Our back yard provides a very temporary haven to sort things out as we have a large fire pit set far enough back that household cacophony does not reach.  It does seem though that every time I retreat to the fire pit for some brain-time, soon someone realizes I am back there and comes to hang out, the rest following shortly after they’ve realized the first is missing.

Alternately, beautiful shorelines are all around me.  Be it a small lake, a creek, river, or beachside, there is always somewhere I can go if I have the gas to get there.  The area around the library is one of my favourite places to sit and sort. If one view becomes monotonous, another is only a couple minutes’ walk away.  People don’t bother you much out there, aside from the expected nod, smile and “good morning!” as they pass you walking.  Being surrounded by natural scenes allows my mind to pause, take in the simplest of sounds, sights and smells, and stop long enough to think on paper, one topic at a time.  Nature gives me the space I need for my body and soul to just breathe and just that in itself helps everything fall into order.  Oddly, the darker, rainier, stormier it is, the more creative the thoughts become.  Until of course every hair on my body starts to tingle, then my only thought is “Lightning – Shelter!” *winks*

The only time it becomes impossible to think straight is when I am under extreme stress, and I have had my share of that.  When depression starts to creep in over the things causing stress, there is no place or situation that seems to help me think.  In fact, thinking when I am feeling depressed is something I try to avoid because it tends to begin a downward spiral which only ends badly unless by some miracle something happens to pull me out of it.  Likewise, I try like hell to avoid making decisions or plans under pressure.  Those are the ones we tend to regret the most.

So nature, every bit my thinking box, especially when the calming energy of water surrounds me.  Your turn – Where do YOU do your best thinking?

 

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Focking hell that’s some slitting-your-wrist music…

VNV NATION – HOLDING ON

I thought the future held
a perfect place for us
That together we would learn to be
the best that we could be
In my naivety I ran
I fell and lost my way
Somehow I always end up falling over me

And one day
I woke to find
The future had no place
for me
I was unwanted in a world
that with my hands I helped build
Where once was honesty and pride
I now stand broken and alone
Just a shadow
of what I was meant to be

They say that “Time will heal”
“The truth shall set us free”
Well that depends
on what it is
that you choose to believe
In this prison made of lies
We see what it is we want to see
And find comfort in this
broken hall of dreams

Does anybody feel
the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?

I believe in you
Will you believe in me?
Or am I alone
in this hall of dreams?

I believe in you
You believe in me
But I have no trust
in anything
Somehow I’m always
always falling over me

Somehow I’m always
I’m always falling over me.

White Lighters vs Dark Entities

For the past couple weeks, I have been poring over Sylvia Browne’s book “End Of Days,” and have been utterly fascinated with the spiritual insights both remembered and gained. 

Today, I got to an area near the end of the book called “The Dark Side At The End Of Days,” and once into this section, I began recognizing my EX-HUSBAND as being perfectly described here.  Not only him, but his entire family, as they all follow the same line of thinking, the same predictable actions designed to cause any sort of harm to others as they can for the sole purpose of “feeding” themselves.  For years, I have said it is as if they are not happy unless they are hurting someone else, that this is where they get their joy and sense of achievement.

Let me quote some of the passage here, and I’m curious if any of you have someone like this in your life as well…

* They have no conscience, no sincere remorse, and no sense of responsibility for their actions.  They take all the credit and none of the blame for everything that happens around them, and self-justification is their first and only response to criticism.

* In psychiatric terms, they’re true sociopaths.  They expertly mimic human behavior without ever really feeling it.  They can simulate charm, sensitivity, empathy, love, regret, and piety to gain proximity to us (the White Lighters).  They promptly drop the act once they’ve won us over, though, having no further use for it and frankly finding it to be too much work.  We White Entities, because our emotions and faith are genuine, have trouble imagining that we’ve been witnessing a performance.  So we cling to our trust in them and our loyalty to them, trying desperately to reinspire that wonderful person we’re sure is in there because we saw them with out own eyes, unable to grasp that that wonderful person never really existed in the first place.

*  As far as the Dark Side is concerned, we White Entities are nothing but a collection of walking mirrors.  If their reflection through our eyes is flattering, we’re valuable to them.  But the minute we catch on that we’ve been looking at a mask, and they no longer like the way they look in our “mirror,” they’ll react in one of two ways — they’ll get as far away from us as possible, or they’ll repeat the award-winning performance that attracted us in the first place in the hope of attracting us again.

{I would like to add a third possible response here, that being that I have noticed they will also ATTACK when challenged, as I go through this constantly in my own divorce and even when I thought life with him was “good.”  These attacks take on many forms, and are directly related to finding the weakest point within the Light person and seeking to taunt and harm it as much as possible.}

*  Dark Entities couldn’t care less about the laws of God or the laws of respectable society.  They live by their own self-serving rules, which change at their convenience and don’t necessarily apply to anyone else around them.  They view even their worst behavior as perfectly, invariably acceptable; but they might become outraged if someone aims that same behavior at them.  The result of this seeming inconsistency is that the White Entities close to them are kept constantly off-balance, which gives the Dark Entity that much more power.

*  The goal of the Dark Entity isn’t to turn a White Entity dark.  They know that can’t be done.  Their goal is to extinguish the White Entity’s light (AYEA!) since darkness can’t exist where light is present (literally and figuratively).  They don’t necessarily try to destroy the White Entity physically.  More often they’ll create as much emotional turbulence, self-doubt, guilt, and depression as possible in as many White Entities as they have access to, so that the White Entities lose their self-confidence, strength and power.

*  Dark Entities rarely enjoy each others’ company – with no light to extinguish, no flattering reflection to gaze into, and no control to be gained over someone with the same bag of tricks, there would be no point.  Instead, they methodically and deliberately seek us out.  And at least once in our lives, we’re likely to seek them out too.  It has nothing to do with being stupid.  It has to do with taking our spiritual responsibilities seriously and believing it’s our moral responsibility to reach out to someone we perceive to be lost, in trouble, or misunderstood.

She goes on to state:  “A Dark Entity can’t be turned white any more than a White Entity can be turned dark.  We can’t appeal to a conscience that doesn’t exist; we can’t inspire genuine remorse in someone who takes no responsibility for their actions; and we can’t ignite sincere love in someone who only loves God Himself on an as-needed basis.” 

Or, I would add, “who only loves himself.”

This section really shed a lot of light (no pun intended) on my understanding the continued harassment and abuse I still get from my ex-husband.  The selfish acts are only outdone by the way he (and his family) so blatantly turn the guilt over their own actions onto others, blaming others for things that they themselves actually did (and are doing). 

This theme has echoed throughout my entire time of knowing him, and a long time ago I realized that this theme will continue until it is possible to completely and finally cease all contact with him.  However, with a young child and shared custody, this will not be possible for many years yet.  It is exhausting to think about, it is stressful to say the least to have to endure, but I know that it will all end one day and the thing I am MOST thankful for is that my child, young though she is, also sees these trends, recognizes them, and bless her pure soul, she will NOT let his darkness overcome her, or me. 

She is strong in herself, and she trusts in me.  I show her the Light whereas “they” shower her in darkness, concealed as “good intentions,” and she takes these occurrences smiling while in her heart, she knows the Truth.  She talks to me about it.  To a point, she understands it.  She definitely sees the patterns.  And she refuses to follow along.  I wish I had not, however if it weren’t for that Dark Entity worming its way into my life, I would not have my daughter today, and for that I am ever grateful.

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